Jay Leno Returns to ‘The Tonight Show’; Doesn’t Forget to Give Jamie Foxx Booze in Green Room
Ah, Jay Leno. The “store brand” of late night hosts. The “Sam’s Choice Cola” to Conan O’Brien‘s “Dr. Pepper Cherry Vanilla.” Love him? Hate him? Probably neither, and that’s the point. Nobody really loves or hates this guy. They just kinda shrug, roll over and fall asleep. If they’re lucky, they remember to set the sleep timer first.
Last night, NBC returned the King of Bland to his Tonight Show throne.
The show kicked off with very minimal fanfare. Sad to see they stuck with the sleepy new Jay Leno Show theme song, but the graphics got punched up a lot — they look a lot more like Jimmy Fallon‘s intro. Jay, you’re not in your late thirties. Don’t be weird.
After a very typical Leno monologue, we got to see another signature bit of his: the man on the street piece where you can’t figure out if it’s real or not. These things always start off seeming so genuine, but as they wear on they just feel more and more phony. Anyway, the point of the bit was “Jay needs to find a desk.” He went to some people’s houses, looked at their desks, awkwardly chatted with Adam Carolla, whooped it up with Randy Jackson, then threw back to the studio to unveil his shiny new custom desk, giving absolutely no pay-off to the bit. Leno fail.
At this point, I began doing shots.
Apparently Jamie Foxx did too. They came back from commercial, Jamie Foxx burst onto the stage and oh. My. God. Is this guy secretly a huge Conan O’Brien fan? He ran out with a microphone and tried, unsuccessfully, to lead the crowd in a WELCOME BACK JAY chant. Then he sprayed champagne everywhere, getting it on all the camera lenses. He imitated a speed skater. He made Jay awkward. He gave a mom a bottle of champagne and told her to give some to her underage kid. He knocked over a mug full of water, spilling it all over the ground. Jay smiled politely and asked him to take an Ambien.
Blame it on the alcohol.
Best part? Jamie Foxx was still acting like an effing maniac when they come back from break, and Jay anxiously waved him back over to the couch to ask him … “what’s up with you and Kirstie Alley?”
Good stuff, Jay.
The next guest was Lindsey Vonn, gold medal Olympian from good ol’ Team USA. She was greeted by a hearty “U! S! A!” chant, which made me feel pretty warm and fuzzy. She had her gold and bronze medals with her, handing gold to Jay and bronze to Jamie Foxx. Jamie responded by immediately asking her a great question about how it must’ve felt to win that medal. She turned, faced him and began to answer.
That’s when it hit me. We should’ve given The Tonight Show to Jamie Foxx.
He’s got antics, he’s got charm, he’s got charisma, he can smoothly ask some softball questions that get the guest talking and laughing. And if he was banging everybody on his staff, nobody would get creeped out because he’s not a decrepit old man — he’s a smarmy, good looking Academy Award winner.
Unfortunately, coming up with that whole “Jamie Foxx hosting The Tonight Show” thing made me miss the rest of the Lindsey Vonn interview. If I had to guess I’d say it was hard, she trained a lot, she was proud, and so were her parents.
Brad Paisely rounded out the night, which was a solid choice if you’re trying to suck in a bunch of middle Americans. Oh, and me, because I have a soft spot for rockin’ country. That’s right. I’m not above it.
Overall, the inaugural run of Leno’s Tonight Show 2.0 made me pine for Conan’s version, and it made me sad to know that my generation has been robbed of its Tonight Show host. With this decision already down in the books, I’ve now shifted my hopes from a reinstatement of Conan O’Brien to a descent from grace for the once-iconic Tonight Show.
Unless, of course, we can get Jamie Foxx in there.
